Suicide? Depression? Why am I feeling more alone as time consumes me?
We all have thoughts, we all have feelings, this is just a part of being human. When something makes us sad, or is too hard to bear in life anymore, some of us get stuck wanting to give up; waiting for the moment to pull our trigger. We don't really want to leave. We don't want to die. We just feel so unimportant, that space is wasted by our existence, literally. We think that our life can be better for someone else, someone easier to love, someone who won't fuck up. But that is just not true. Everyone makes mistakes, even those who seem most 'perfect'. You just admire that person with all your heart, and that is what perfection is to you. They are beautiful, they make you smile, and you look up to this person so much that you can accept every part of them, making them as close to perfect as they could ever be - in your eyes. There are people who think of you in this way, as 'perfect', and one of the most precious beings on Earth. All we want is someone, just one person to care about us. We want to be happy, and when we aren't, we scare ourselves out of society with the one easy escape we always think back to - Suicide - It's just never the answer. We question ourselves every single day, is this our moment, is this our time? Will anyone really care? Will anyone even notice? Everyday you convince yourself more and more that no one cares about you, and that you were never meant to be born. What you're doing is pushing away all your positive emotions, filling them with negative ones - and we need to get those back. By letting the light in again, we can get out of here. Yeah that sounded simple? Really easy? Right. It's not, and I understand that. But the more you let this negativity consume you, the farther away you get. All it takes is passion. If you can find one thing you are passionate about, one thing that makes you never want to miss a moment, you'll always have a way of reminding yourself of something that means a lot to you, something you don't want to live without. And I bet that thing isn't perfect either, it will have it's downfalls, but because it is so important to you, you will always do everything you can to pick it back up. Please learn to do this for yourself. It is really important to understand that you are human, that you have a hard time sometimes, and that others do too. Everyone deserves another chance, and everyone needs a little help getting back up. I may not know you in person, and I may not be in a message chat with you, but that doesn't mean that this isn't a sign of love for you, when it definitely is. I stand strongly for Suicide Prevention and teaching self love, spreading a message of love for all those around me, and this is my biggest passion. I never want a day without it, and I never want a day without you. You have to find your purpose. I promise it's there. But if you keep telling yourself that there isn't one for you, you're never going to get to see what you've been waiting for all this time. I want you to feel important, because you are. Everyone has a purpose. You are not an accident. Even if your parents didn't mean to have you, you were born into this life with reason that we (THE WORLD) needed you in some way. You might not exactly understand this right now, but when you open your eyes again, feel life, let it rush through your body, focus on love, happiness, smiles that aren't fake, and allow yourself to have the purpose you were born with.
How do I get past this feeling?
You can't expect to wake up in a happy, perfect world where no pain exists, because there isn't one, not for the biggest celebrities, not for the bullies, not for you, not for me. Not a single person lives a perfect life. No one is ALWAYS happy, because we are supposed to feel sad, mad, regret, pain. All of these shape us into the incredible creatures that we are. Without diversity in our emotions, we would simply be dolls, each living in our own perfect dollhouse with the same rooms and walls. You will always have these feelings: pain, love, healing, breaking, wanting to live, and wanting to die. What you do with these feelings, is what makes life special. You can make this a good place for you, it never had to be bad. You just have to love and accept emotions with their own flaws, but work with them in ways that are important to you. If you are caught up in a lot of pain, use it to create something good, make it beautiful, make it life changing. Because everything has purpose, even things that seem not to matter. The girl who didn't show up in class, she made you feel less alone, and taught you to understand that others have really bad days too. Remember that car that was speeding and took a sharp corner when you were walking down the side walk and they almost hit you? You were having such a good day, smiling, laughing, it was what you always wanted life to be! The rush your body felt when that car floored past you was the rush that you realized you aren't ready to leave this place. Were you thinking about that boy that had scars on his skin, but you were too scared to talk to him, because you thought he might freak out that you said something? Now you regret not saying anything, because you haven't seen him in awhile, and it hurts not knowing if he's okay. Always speak up, and share the love you feel in your heart! You never know who's life you might change. Think about the time when you got into a fight with your mom or dad, did you listen to their side of the story? Did you see the pain in their eyes they were hiding behind? I know you felt it, and it made you want to hug them and tell them that you never want to ever lose them, but you were too scared because they were mad at you. And they're not always right either. Sometimes they have a hard time understanding you too! Just like you have a hard time understanding them. You know that time someone you didn't know complimented you? Do you remember how you felt that day? That someone who didn't even know you, noticed you when you can hardly get the attention of someone you see everyday? You see, the thing is, so many of us notice you, but sometimes you just don't notice us! You are loved, you cannot forget that! EVER! Grow with self love, let it teach you and remind you that you are better than the thoughts in your head! Everyday, get a little closer and closer to your own heart, get in touch with the love you have! It's there, I promise! That way, when you can't feel love from anyone, you can at least feel the love from yourself until you can get back on your feet again. Just know that you're not alone, and there are times when things will get hard, and sometimes harder, but we can always make them good again, and even make them better :) so remember, we are all just humans, reaching into the distance, hoping that what we find will make us happy -